27 September 2006

The Top 100 Most Hated People

A national Australian magazine recently announced the top 100 most hated people. These strange surveys are conducted in many different areas such as on sports stars and actors and are in many different countries.

My only thought as to why these type of surveys are done is for a good laugh. Well, this particular survey certainly did that to me.

I'm sorry I couldn't find the official list I'm referring to. However, I found one that's worldwide for your pleasure:
http://www.hat.net/pop/lists.top_people/most_hated_people/

Among the most hated was the Sting Ray that killed Steve Irwin.

What I want you to know is the US President George W. Bush and the Pope, were more hated then Osama Bin Laden! This has probably left Osama very disappointed. The guy tries his hardest to like threaten the world, while the Pope is promoting wonderful things like world peace and yet Osama is more liked.

Why do you think this is so?

The answer ties very nicely in the recent post I made about Steve Irwin's death and in another post about "perceptual blindness" in the managing conflict email I also sent.

Steve's personality made him so visible to us. He was in a position of power even though no position was "officially" assigned to him. This is otherwise known as referent power where you create power for yourself based on charismatic and inspirational like skills. Other people look-up to you and follow you.

President Bush has a position of power that was assigned to him giving him a place in our lives.

Osama Bin Laden created power for himself through devastation and instilling fear in people.

If these positions of power are true, then why is Osama more liked then someone like President Bush or the Pope?

Referring directly from the perceptually blind post:
"Your perception is your understanding of what you see and hear. This means your perceptions are different to others as your understanding differs from theirs.

Perceptions can be nasty little things. What they do is filter out things in what we see and hear. Something may occur, but it does not reach our minds because it was 'filtered' out...

It's very similar to panning for gold except you're not looking for the gold.

You filter out the good (the gold) and let in the dirt with what we see in situations and others. We love to judge, analyze, and criticize others so we perceive the dirt in others."
The Pope has his interests in developing goodness in the world but the voters in the survey didn't see this! They were "perceptually blind" and ignored this.

Oh, by the way I didn't vote ;-)

Guess why he was hated? The voting Aussies hated him because he was too conservative and boring! Come on! According to the survey, this is a more awful characteristic then killing people. Talk about "perceptually blind!"

This just proves how powerful our perceptions are in how we see people.

Your co-workers, friends, family, children, and partner are all judged with this awful and natural human measurement. For this reason, I want you to stop judging people.

I'm currently writing an ebook about the most common communication problems and in it I thoroughly explain judging and how it is one of the biggest barriers to interpersonal communication.

I'll leave you with a powerful quote I use in the ebook: "Assumptions are the termites of relationships." - Henry Winkler

Have a great week with no judging!

16 September 2006

Arguments, Fights, and Most Types of Conflict Start Because...

We are blind.

I'm not talking about being physically blind but something called "perceptually blind".

We all have perceptions. Your perception is your understanding of what you see and hear. This means your perceptions are different to others as your understanding differs from theirs.

Perceptions can be nasty little things. What they do is filter out things in what we see and hear. Something may occur, but it does not reach our minds because it was "filtered" out.

One characteristic that is known to do this is your beliefs. If you believe that all females are shopping, money-spending, resource consuming monsters (hehe sorry girls!), then everytime you see a female shopping you'll think "Bah! Typical money-wasting girls!" Your belief that females will spend as much money as they can blinds you from other possiblities that they maybe shopping for their first time all month [yeah right :-)], they maybe buying for someone else, or they are just window-shopping.

Its very similar to panning for gold except you're not looking for the gold.

You filter out the good (the gold) and let in the dirt with what we see in situations and others. We love to judge, analyze, and criticize others so we perceive the dirt in others.

It doesn't have to be like this. You need to apply another "filter" so you see the "gold".

When we argue, we try to prove to the other person that we're right by pulling out facts and opinions. We block out all other options and stick with our thoughts as our perceptions possibly mislead us.

You need to change your perceptions so you can see what others are feeling and seeing.

This helps in greatly understanding others and will greatly reduce the number of arguments and other forms of conflict. Yes, changing your perceptions so you can see what others see is a great repellent to keep conflict away.

If you enjoyed this, you can get much more information regarding conflict and a tonne of other communication skills information by signing-up to my newsletter here.

06 September 2006

Learning From Steve Irwin's Personality

It's been broadcasted all over the world. It has said to be
one of the most universally reported events that doesn't
involve an act of terrorism.

Steve Irwin's death.

Otherwise known as the crocodile hunter, he become the figure
of reptiles and especially Australia. Wrestling vicious
animals like they were harmless creatures.

Why do you think Steve had so many people who not only knew
about him, but loved him?

Being Australian, I know he's done a great deal for this
country. But it was his charismatic personality that made him
so widely loved by many people drawing their attention and
attracting a lot of media attention.

It wasn't his job of wrestling crocs that made people like
him. There are a tonne of other animal wrestlers out there
that put their bodies on the line that people don't know
of and even hate.

It was his personality that made him so widely loved.

This begs me to ask you, what following do you have?
Do you have people that love you because of what you do
or who you are? Are they attracted to you and are proud
to know you? Are they a better person because they know you?

This is what developing your communication and self is also
about. You are developing the many areas within yourself for
not only your own good, but for the good of others.

When you improve yourself and especially improve your
communication, you begin to attract people and more favorable
emotions out of people you already know. These emotions
people experience go beyond feeling more attracted to you
(attraction includes every person and thing that is drawn
towards you), they inspire the person.

The person feels better about him/herself. They desire to
follow in your foot steps and learn the skills you have
learnt and this of course leads to amazing paths. These people
reach new personal development ground otherwise untouchable if
not for your influence.

Look at the wide outreach and influence Steve had on people.
A lot of people became happier, they become less fearful of
"dangerous" animals, and I'm sure quite a few would have
tried to replicate Steve's life-filled personality.

That's what I want you to realise today. Improving yourself
goes beyond the self-centered benefits. By effectively
communicating you inspire others to grow themselves.

Thanks Steve for being such a inspiration!